Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
