Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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