if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize