My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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