so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
