I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
