I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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