That's when you crack a 10am beer
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
