a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
