So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
