We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
barbara walters just said penis...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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