I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
