fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
