I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
