I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
