Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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