im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
