I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
