May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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