Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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