her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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