3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
