Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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