you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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