It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
