Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
