That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
