You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
