So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
