After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
