I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
