I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
