you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
