i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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