Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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