I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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