i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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