After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
