My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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