she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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