you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
