Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
well you can't waste a boner
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
