I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
