My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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