Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
