Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
