hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
