Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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