you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
