I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
