If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
