how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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