I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
