she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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