At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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