I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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