now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
