Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
