we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
