Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
