I just saw a hot homeless man
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
