Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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