Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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