How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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