im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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