he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
