Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize