would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
